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A Rose by Any Other Name.
When we communicate in words, most people are unaware how individuals attach meaning.
We simply assume that we are speaking the same language as well as hold to our intentions
of what we send in message. Most of you who are currently reading this become confused
and feel misunderstood when the message sent was received differently.
How does this happen?
Let’s explore. Read the following word: Flower. What do you think of? Do you think of a
rose, a geranium, an orchid or even a bouquet of carnations? Perhaps you think of a floral
arrangement or a roadside flower vendor. Some might even think of this word as a verb, as in
to flower, bud, expand and grow. Others may consider a baking ingredient. All are valid, yet
in a group, this one word may evoke different experiences in each individual. To be more
specific, let us use the word: Rose. Do you think of a single rose? If so what color? Is this
rose in full bloom or is it just opening? Is the rose a part of a bouquet or arrangement?
Perhaps it is a person named Rose.
From this simple example, it is a wonder how any of us communicate at all. To string together
concepts via words and hope that they will be received as they were given is a daunting task.
Yet we continue to speak. We often follow it up with phrases like, you didn’t understand.
When in fact the opposite is the case, you failed to communicate the message as it was to be
received. We might infer the rose meaning via other words around it, for instance: The single
rose is resting in water. This might be a flower in a vase, or my Aunt floating in the East
River.
We further infer meaning to what we think was said. This becomes important when we learn
of an other's values, buying reasons, likes and dislikes. Simple assumptions will usually fail
us at this point. Asking too many questions tend to annoy. As it is the pattern of most, ego
dictates that our understanding is the correct version. (This usually becomes reason for
disputes. Add a bit of rationalized justification and now we have something.)
How might words apply to us? First and foremost is the awareness of specific words to our
neurology. Again we’ll take a rose. (Not arose, this ambiguity will be saved for a later
teaching.). How might this rose affect you? Was there someone you knew as Rose? Did you
lose money on Pete Rose? Does Rose evoke some kind of mental imagery or perhaps a
scent, a phrase or feeling? Does rose hold some other meaning to you? Does a rose of a
single color evoke memories be they pleasant, loving or fantasy? The scent of rose oil?
Maybe it stems from the petals, or just the thorns? I think you get my point.
If there are visceral associations between the word and your self, imagine how another may
respond to different aspect of the same word. Now magnify this against all the words you
know. Now take this appreciation to all of the people that you come in contact with. In any of
my courses, I lead students through the above examples and then I’ll have them explore
words such as trust, respect and worth.
When we have a greater and more complete understanding, we simply communicate better.
Far and away the greatest communications that we may have, as well as most influential are
those internal ones we have with ourselves. How many of us fail to make these
considerations while speaking to clients, friends, family and especially the ones we love.
Jeff Schoener
March 2005 All Rights Reserved
Jeff_Schoener@experiencetruth.net
www.experiencetruth.net
NLPTM Wordsmythe
Presents:
Recognize Your Perfect Mate.
Attracting the Right Mr. Right.
(609) 918-1644
Making assumptions. Failing to recognize the expectations of others. Being oblivious to how
people respond to subtleties. These will enrage and encourage people to flee. By
understanding what it takes in order to affect others, we begin to build solid foundations for
any type of relationship.
When a customer walks away from your business, usually in apparent silence, a friend or
family forces a smile and walks away, you can bet big dollars that once out of your earshot
they do not remain silent for long. They are busy letting each and every person that will
listen just how wrong you were. Their perceptions are such all because while they were on
the outside of you, while you remained on the inside.
It’s a small thing that we can do yet many of us are too busy being perfectionists, or holding
to our policy of being right. By coming out of our own experience, and ‘stepping’ into the
experience of the other, we can now gain greater understanding just who these people are,
why they are around us and how we may help them. Is this a radical idea? No. This is a
simple way touching people on a level few others will. Your service to them may expand as
their levels of trust in you grow. As this appreciation and trust grows, these folks will be
speaking of you with gratitude and praise. Building solid relationships, be they clients family
and friends do not simply happen. How’s that for a bottom line?
Jeff Schoener
April 2005 All Rights Reserved
Jeff_Schoener@experiencetruth.net
www.experiencetruth.net
NLPTM Wordsmythe
Presents:
Speaking the same language
Understanding Motivations
Making Better Decisions
(609) 918-1644